My Tyler

I'm back! I missed sharing my random and pointless thoughts with the world. So I'm back to the blogging business. Unfortunately, this particular post does not bring the happiest of news. As you know, if you know me or are a reader of the blog, I have a dog named Tyler, who is my bestest friend in the whole world. Tyler has been my loyal companion for seven years. He keeps me balanced and gives me comfort. He's a lot of fun to have around, usually. He is eleven years old.

I've noticed for a while that he seems to be slowing down and just not really playing around as much as he used to. I took him to the vet in late June and got him some arthritis pills. Those seem to help him a lot. But what the vet didn't notice was a hard lump in his belly. I waited almost a week and couldn't stand it, so I took him back and pointed out the lump. The vet did a radiograph (an x-ray for dogs) and found a tumor in his abdomen, which was pressing on his intestines and such. We ended up doing exploratory surgery a few days later. They were able to remove an 11 oz. tumor, but the big tumor that we had seen on the x-ray was too big and too invasive to remove. They sent a sample off to be tested. The results came back showing that he has advanced pancreatic cancer. At that time, in early July, he was given a few weeks to a few months to live. Because it is so advanced and because of the nature of pancreatic cancer, there isn't much we can do for him but keep him comfortable and happy.

It broke my heart to hear the news. I kind of wished I hadn't gone back, because the arthritis pills were getting back to his normal happy healthy self. After the surgery he was in a lot of pain, and he hasn't played since. I don't know that he'd still be playing if he hadn't had the surgery, but since they weren't able to do a whole lot, it just seemed like I put him through a lot of trauma for nothing. He had to stay in the hospital for three days. It was terrible. But in the end I've decided I'm glad we did it. This way I know he's in his last months and I can let him enjoy all the stuff he wants to do and wants to get into (who cares if he eats that chicken bone? It's not like it'll kill him...) I can also mentally try to prepare.

Of course I knew the day would come when Tyler wouldn't be with me anymore. But I never wanted to think about it. He has helped me through so much. Really, honestly, he has helped me become a better me. I don't know what I'll do when he's gone. Yeah, he goes on vacation every now and then and I don't have him around. But all his stuff is still here, and I know he's coming back. It's going to be so empty without him here. I don't know what my cat, Midnight, is going to do either. He's very active, and Tyler is his brother and playmate. He's going to miss him terribly. He becomes unbearable when Tyler is gone for any length of time. He turns into attack ninja cat. It's a pain. Literally.

In the last six months I have become more interested in animal welfare and helping homeless animals find homes. I began volunteering for our Animal Shelter this summer. I had avoided volunteering there for years because they euthanize. But I realized that maybe if I lend a hand, I can help some of the animals find homes instead of having to be put down. I don't know if I'm making much of a difference, but I did start a Facebook page for our organization. In the two months we have been up, we have gathered 547 fans. That's pretty huge for a small local non-profit with an even smaller volunteer base. I'm seeing more interaction on the site, and I heard today from one of my students, who happens to be a St. Joe local, that he is getting random messages from friends sending him the pictures and stories of animals at the shelter that I put up on the site. That really makes me feel good. Because of my schedule I can't really get to the shelter to work directly with the animals, but I enjoy helping them from a distance. I'm considering switching careers once I get my debts paid off and going to work for the Humane Society or Best Friends or some other animal welfare organization.

I don't think I'll get another dog, or another cat, right away. One of the ways I'm getting through this is reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. One of the reasons I've had difficulties in getting a new job is that I have two pets, and there are very few live-in positions that allow that. After Tyler crosses Rainbow Bridge, I will only have Midnight to take with me. That will open some doors that had been closed. Plus I've recently been given an opportunity that will boost my resume a little. Not a lot, but maybe just enough to make a difference. I'll tell you about that some other day. But I'm also considering staying here until I pay off my debts. I'm really loving my job, and I'm doing a great job of not spending money and not using my credit cards (except for Tyler medical stuff.) So we'll see where the wind blows me this year. It will take a while for me and Midnight to be ready for a new pack member anyway. In the meantime, think happy thoughts for Tyler, and I will keep you updated on how he is doing.